Key Messages
11 Rules Of Likability: How To Authentically Foster Meaningful Relationships
Have you ever wished that everyone would like you? Well, if you want to make friends and influence people, then it pays to follow the eleven laws of likability.
These rules will help you develop meaningful relationships in social situations.
You’ll learn why you should stop worrying about trying to win people over in networking; what makes a good question; and how difficult it can be to stay true to who you are when surrounded by those you don’t like.
The 11 laws of likability allow us to become more genuine, popular and likable so that we can form relationships with others easily.
In these sections, practice your listening skills, keep an open mind and acknowledge similarities and other’s emotions without judgement – this will increase your capacity for empathy.
By being present and doing acts of kindness unconditionally, we can establish meaningful relationships with anyone.
So the next time you’re looking to be liked, remember: authenticity is key!
How To Make Yourself Likable Through Networking: The 11 Laws Of Likability
It’s no secret that to be truly liked by others, you have to focus on building real connections with them and being honest.
When it comes to networking, people often forget that the key isn’t necessarily getting something out of it; instead, it’s all about wanting to connect with someone else in an authentic way.
The most important thing is to recognize what’s likable about someone else and yourself.
Ask questions that help you learn more about their life, thoughts, beliefs, job or hobbies.
Then actively listen to their responses and let that inform how you respond.
This helps create genuine connections that go beyond business transactions – relationships of meaning and understanding that form the basis of our lives.
This is why we can boil down the principles behind likability into eleven laws as described in The 11 Laws of Likability Book by Danny Forest.
It’s all about creating an honest connection between two people rather than just focusing on achieving a particular result or outcome from the interaction.
If you keep this idea at the forefront of your mind whenever you are meeting someone new and maintaining relationships with current friends and colleagues, then your interactions will become much more meaningful – and yes – even likable!
How To Stay True To Yourself And Connect With Others Through Authenticity
Being authentic and being likable go hand in hand.
People are naturally drawn to those who are themselves and don’t put on a facade.
One way you can tell if you’re being authentic is to gauge whether or not you feel awkward in a situation – usually, when you’re being authentic, it feels natural and goes unnoticed.
On the other hand, when you’re not being authentic and putting on an act, it’s often painfully obvious and feels uncomfortable or exhausting.
To remain authentically likable, try looking at people with unbiased eyes instead of wearing a fake smile – this will allow you to appreciate them for who they are and find things to like about them even if you don’t like some of their actions.
You can also feel compassion for their actions as well.
Remaining real and staying true to yourself is the key to becoming more likable.
It allows others to get to know the real you, which can help build strong relationships that last over time.
Don’t forget: finding the good in each situation will lead to more genuine interactions that have potential for growth.
Choose Wisely: Stay Authentic And Find Excitement In The Events You Attend
If you want to be truly likable and authentic, then it’s important to be selective about the events that you choose to attend.
It’s best to aim for the events that make you happy, excited, and allow you to express your true self.
Skip out on those events where having an authentic presence would be challenging – like that workplace gathering or family party where people are just expecting certain things from you.
The thing is, we all have choices in life – and these extend to social events.
So if there’s something that feels like a burden and makes you feel obligated, there’s probably a good chance that it can be skipped without too much fuss or consequence.
Don’t feel guilty!
You’re allowed to take care of your own needs first and foremost when selecting which social gatherings to attend.
Additionally, attitude is key!
Even if there are some obligatory gatherings that you need to attend due possible family obligations or employer pressure – take this as an opportunity to practice positive thinking and try looking for the exciting aspects of such gatherings.
Bring along a friend for instance; it’ll make it much easier being around strangers if you have someone by your side who feels comfortable with being themselves as well!
At the end of the day, choosing which gatherings/events to attend is a very personal decision- so don’t let guilt guide your choices – make sure every event stimulates happiness easily found in authenticity.
Speak With Confidence And Consistency By Mastering The Three V’S Of Communication
If you want to be liked and successful in your conversations, being consistent and confident in your communication is key.
Your words, tone of voice, and body language should all send the same message – this is known as the three V’s: verbal, vocal, and visual.
Albert Mehrabian’s book Silent Messages states that out of the three components of communication – words, tone of voice, and body language- 55% of an individual’s “total liking” comes from their visual cues.
This means that even if your spoken words are great but you lack true confidence via your body language or tone, it will be difficult for people to believe them.
However, sometimes self-doubt can cause inconsistency between one’s verbal/vocporal/visual message.
To combat this issue and become more confident in conversation, recognizing the powerful effect positive framing can have on perception by substituting negative thoughts with positive ones is important.
Furthermore, focusing on what someone can do rather than what they cannot do helps prevent feelings of helplessness which stem from low self-confidence.
By learning these techniques and putting effort into consistency in one’s three V’s during social exchanges will ultimately help individuals exude true confidence when conversing with peers and increase their overall likability.
Showing Genuine Interest And Asking Open-Ended And Probing Questions: The Keys To Starting Meaningful Conversations
If you’re struggling to start or even maintain a good conversation with someone, being genuinely curious about the other person and their life is a great way to initiate one.
Not only that, but the types of questions you ask are also important.
Open-ended questions that start with what, how, why or how come tend to be good conversation starters or for restarting a stalled dialogue.
On the other hand, probing questions make great additionals that can help sustain an engaged conversation and these come in three categories: clarifying questions (“Do you mean….?”), rational questions (“I’m curious why you think that…”) and expansion probes (“Please elaborate…”).
Showing real interest in someone’s life can create an easy going atmosphere and pave the way for interesting conversations!
The Art Of Listening: Three Steps For Increasing Your Likability And Connecting With Others
Good communication is all about good listening.
And developing your skill for really listening to what others are saying can make you more personable and likable in conversations.
There are three levels of listening — inward, outward and intuitive — that serve different functions when engaging in a conversation.
Inward listening involves hearing what another person says from your own perspective, while outward listening focuses on the speaker, endeavoring to uncover more of their interests and perspectives through questions they ask.
Intuitive listening goes even deeper, as it requires being cognizant not only of the words being said but also focusing on the tone of voice, body language, and energy of the speaker.
By learning how to enhance each level of listening within a conversation, you can foster meaningful connections with those around you as they’ll feel heard and understood.
Doing so can certainly contribute to making strong friendships or relationships based upon your natural likability!
Get To Know People By Leveraging What You Have In Common To Gain Trust And Rapport
Similarities and trust are two of the most important factors when it comes to boosting likability.
People are more likely to trust and like someone if they have common backgrounds, interests, or shared experiences.
For example, you can check out organizations you’ve been involved with to identify topics for conversation—whether it be clubs you belong to, college exchange programs, sports teams, volunteer activities or any other group affiliations.
That way, you can find common ground with the other person and increase your likability.
Additionally, people also tend to look for a trusted third-party source in order to validate their decisions.
This means that they’ll listen if friends recommend a person for an interview or supporting them on a blind date.
It’s also useful when job-hunting as finding connections with employers may help in getting an opportunity.
In summary, similarities and trust play a large part in boosting your likability with others so find ways to establish those connections where possible!
Wrap Up
The 11 Laws of Likability, by Jean Greaves, provides a simple but powerful framework for how to build meaningful and engaged connections in life.
The key message of the book is that building relationships isn’t just about you; it’s about making sure the right connection is there.
Engaging with people in a meaningful way means taking the time to understand what they care about, actively listening to them and creating a basis of trust between him or her.
As an actionable part of advice to sum up what was learned from the book, it is recommended that one take some time out of their schedule each week to make a list of three new people he or she has met in the past few weeks.
Keeping track of your connections is important for successful networking situations in which those connections might be beneficial down the road.
Whenever reaching out to someone on your list, try sending something as simple as “How are you?” There’s always value in reinforcing those connections and seeing where they lead!
