Key Messages
How To Make New Friends: The Science Of Being Instantly Likeable
Making an immediate impact on everyone you meet is possible, and this book will teach you how to do it in just 90 seconds or less!
You’ll learn how to make a positive first impression, the power of body language, and why doing so can have significant personal and professional benefits.
You will also pick up key insights on eye movements and their effect on communication, as well as useful tips about body positioning – for example why leaning forward is more likely to make people like you.
Lastly, you’ll understand why making new friends can literally add years onto your life.
With these introductory skills in hand, anyone looking to develop friendships or even become more sociable at work, can learn from this book how to make an instantaneous connection with others!
The Benefits Of Making Friends: From Longer Lifespans To Successful Connections
It’s no secret that humans are naturally drawn to connect and bond with others.
In fact, since the caveman days, forming social connections has been essential for survival.
But now, those connections can can be beneficial for more than just survival – they can be essential for longer life spans and greater success.
Studies conducted by Dr.
Lisa Berkman of the Harvard School of Health Sciences found that forming meaningful community connections is directly correlated with living a longer life – those who lacked community ties were three times more likely to die due to medical issues than those with strong social circles.
Those connections, however, also go beyond physical health benefits; they’re great tools in helping you achieve all your ambitions in life too!
Need a new job? Making use of existing contacts could help you discover opportunities otherwise unknown.
Longing for romance? Friends and family may know just the right person you’d jive with.
Itching to see a show in theater? An acquaintance may have just the ticket you need!
Forming lasting bonds is at the core of human existence, so don’t shy away from it any longer.
By building stronger relationships with people around us – not only will we improve our quality of life – but also increase our chances of achieving all our dreams!
Communicating Openness And Building Connections With Body Language In A First Impression
Making a strong connection with someone you’ve just met is all about your body language, eyes and facial expression.
That’s why it’s so important to be aware of the signals that come from your body, eyes and face in those first few moments spent with someone new.
Body language is key.
To indicate positive energy to the other person, rotate your body towards them so that your heart is pointed straight at them – this sends a message of sincerity and strength, while conveying both readiness and commitment to form a connection.
Then there’s eye contact.
Making sure your look into someone else’s eyes will enable trust to be formed – don’t forget that!
And when you first meet someone, never forget to smile first!
It will brighten up the atmosphere and demonstrate that you’re open and sincere about forming a relationship.
Combined with an easy yet warm introduction (name) and a slight lean forward for interest, these three elements should make for an engaging start of any conversation!
Establishing Rapport By Design: How To Adopt A Useful Attitude In Conversation To Increase Connections
If you want to make people like you in less than 90 seconds, then it’s essential that you develop the right attitude.
It begins with deciding on what exactly it is that you want from each conversation; this will serve as the focus for your attitude.
If you have a useful attitude, which is focused on what is desired as an outcome of the conversation, then your body language will naturally be positive and likable.
On the other hand, if your attitude is useless, it means that instead of focusing on what you want out of the situation, your mind is fixated on what it doesn’t want—which typically results in passive or negative body language that puts people off.
For example, when faced with a cancelled flight home for the holidays due to airline issues, an individual struggling with a useless attitude may become angry and shout at airline staff to get a replacement flight faster.
However, a person with a useful attitude would remain calm and highly attuned to their end goal: finding someone who can help them get another flight.
This sort of behavior exudes trustworthiness and warmth—surely enough to convince members of airline staff to do their best for an eager traveller!
Therefore, establishing a good rapport with others begins by understanding first how one’s own attitude can affect their demeanor and execution during conversations—thus influencing others’ impression of them within mere moments.
How To Use Open And Closed Body Language For Effective Communication
If you want to be liked and trusted by others, it is essential that your body language reflects that.
Open body language allows you to expose your body and heart to others, signaling that you are open to communication and up for a dialogue.
This positive attitude is crucial for people to form a connection of mutual trust.
Closed body language however, sets protective boundaries with crossed arms or turning your back sideways in relation to the other person.
It can showcase nervousness or discomfort in a conversation as well.
Your facial expressions also play an important role when it comes to making an impression on someone else.
An open face will smile, make eye contact and have clear expressions like raised eyebrows, while closed faces present sternness and lack of eye contact.
In order to create a lasting first impression, the vocal, verbal and visual aspects need to be congruent – in other words all saying the same thing – so that the other person perceives you as being honest.
If they are out of sync then not only will they feel you’re not being truthful but it will create tension between both parties as well.
The Power Of Synchronization: Match Your Conversation Partner For Better Rapport
Mirroring others is an instinctive behavior that has been part of our lives since birth.
We innately tend to imitate the behavior and body language of those around us, whether it’s the mother-child bond, our partner’s clothing style, or even wincing when you see someone else get punched in the stomach.
What all this imitation boils down to is that we tend to be more comfortable around people who are similar to us or whose behavior is synchronized with ours.
This principle of synchronization becomes especially important when we’re trying to establish a rapport with someone and make them feel comfortable with us.
By mirroring their mannerisms and body language -small things like subtly copying their gestures, facial expressions, breathing patterns, and tone of voice-you can actually help make people like you much quicker than if you didn’t do it.
Studies have also proven that we are more likely to hire or date people who “look like us,” so why not take this theory one step further by mirroring those characteristics that don’t necessarily pertain just to physical appearances?
For instance, match your conversation partner’s quiet demeanor rather than being loud and intrusive if they speak in a quieter voice than you usually do; not only will it put them at ease but it’s also quite compelling.
Or if your interlocutor takes some time to answer a question, pause on their end before encouraging them onward; chances are better for both parties if you give them some space before jumping back into the conversation.
So keep synchronizing yourself with others in order to build a strong rapport and make them feel relaxed from the start!
Engaging Conversations Begin With Asking Open Questions And Listening With Care
Good conversations don’t just happen, they take a bit of skill.
At the core of having those conversations are asking the right questions and knowing how to listen.
To ask the right questions, it is important to remember to use conversation-generating words like “Who,” “When,” “What,” “Where,” “How” and “Why” so as to invite explanation or opinion from your interlocutor.
Open questions are great for initiating conversations such as “What do you think of this restaurant?” while closed questions encourage a yes or no response and should be avoided when possible.
by lean in and nodding your head when appropriate.
Your body language also helps show that you are listening intently which is an important part of connecting with the other person.
Active Listening with more than just your ears involves listening not only to the words said but also paying attention to the emotions behind them and responding with enthusiasm when appropriate.
For example if somebody shares something personal with you, try responding with genuine curiosity so as to really engage them instead of simply replying with a yes or no answer.
The key to making people like you in 90 seconds or less starts by asking the right questions and actively listening to ensure positive connections that will be lasting!
How To Pick The Right Conversational Style Based On Someone’S Dominant Sense
Do you want to make someone like you in 90 seconds or less and effectively build relationships? One great way to do this is by understanding which of the three sensory perceptions – visual, auditory, or kinesthetic – your conversation partner prefers.
By using neuro-linguistic programming, Richard Bandler and John Grinder realized that every person perceives the world through one of these three senses.
Visual people care a lot about how things look, auditory people love conversations and sound, whereas kinesthetic-focused people are drawn towards solidity and texture.
If you can identify which sense your partner likes best and adapt your style accordingly, you will bring about more effective communication and deeper rapport.
For example, visual people might prefer if you dress nicely or talk quickly, auditory people will appreciate it when you speak with a pleasant tone of voice that has fluidity and expression while those with kinesthetic preferences might like it when you match their tone of voice and quietly speak sensitively.
An easy way to know what kind of sensory perception a person has is by observing where they move their eyes.
Depending on the answer they give to the question asked, people usually tend to look either upwards or outward depending on what sense they prefer most – visual (towards the edges), auditory (towards the ears) or kinesthetic (towards their hands).
By understanding which sense a person prefers most and speaking according to it, it is possible for anyone to build better relationships more easily.
Try looking at a person’s eyes as if searching for clues into which sensory preference they value before talking to them: It might just be the difference between coming across as genuine or awkward!
Wrap Up
The key takeaway from How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is that endearing yourself to a new acquaintance starts the moment the two of you meet.
It’s essential to adopt an open and welcoming attitude and have the willingness to make a connection on the spot, as it can make all the difference in how someone perceives you.
In addition, speed is of the essence—you must be successful at getting someone to like you within that initial ninety seconds or risk not clicking with them at all.
Finally, this book also offers actionable advice when it comes to controlling one’s voice tone.
One technique suggested included belly breathing, which requires focusing on breathing into your abdomen rather than your chest.
This will allow for slower speaking pace and display of calmness in conversation with another person.
