Key Messages
Improve Your Conversation Skills To Get What You Want In Life
If you want to get what you want out of life, it is essential that you learn how to use your voice effectively in conversations.
Being able to communicate your needs, desires and opinions in an appropriate manner can help you to influence others and achieve the results that you are striving for.
In “Get It,” we will discuss strategies that will help you sharpen your conversation skills so that you can engage with people more easily and express yourself more effectively.
By learning how to handle difficult conversations, understanding the power dynamics involved in communicating with various people, such as managers or teens, using the right phrases at the right time during a conversation and honing your verbal communication skills in general, you will be able to get more of what you want more often.
The aim of these sections is to provide readers with easy-to-follow advice so they too can become social ballerinas and use their voice to influence others and achieve the desired results.
Knowing What You Really Want Is Key To Effective Conversations
As the adage goes, if you don’t know what you want, then you’re not likely to get it.
So before engaging in any conversation, taking a moment to reflect on your desired outcome is essential.
By understanding exactly what it is that you truly desire, you can be prepared to have more meaningful and prosperous conversations with others.
This candid self-reflection allows us to become attuned to our deeper needs and therefore helps us communicate in the most effective manner.
Knowing what we want gives us the ability to set the tone for every conversation we have.
This can help us make better decisions about how to approach various conversations – whether by being assertive or empathetic – depending on the situation.
A good example of this comes from one of the author’s clients named Matt who initially thought he wanted children but ended up discovering that his deeper desire was simply being part of a loving family.
If he had taken a moment before starting any conversations to think through what it was that he really wanted, he would’ve been more open and receptive when presented with unexpected opportunities from those conversations – like meeting someone with existing children who needed a surrogate father figure.
By honestly assessing and reflecting on our goals prior to beginning any conversation, we are setting ourselves up for successful outcomes – because only once we know what we truly want can we then go out and get it!
Understanding The Difference Between Connection And Power Is Essential For Successful Conversations
If you’re having a conversation, understanding the purpose of it is essential for having a productive one.
Before you begin, think to yourself: am I trying to find common ground and connect with the other person, or am I here to make sure my point gets across?
In most cases, conversations areeither about connection or power.
If your main concern is connecting with the person, then you’ll want to temporarily put aside your own needs in order to understand theirs.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for power, then this means that your primary focus should be asserting yourself and making sure that your viewpoint comes through.
It’s important to note that different situations call for different approaches; if you’re faced with someone who’s making you feel uncomfortable, asserting yourself is the way to go.
However when it comes to relationships, connection should be at the foundation of every interaction.
Connection allows both parties to get invested in each other’s success and achieve their goals together.
If all conversations are focused on your wants and what you can get out of someone else, eventually they won’t care about what you want anymore!
That is why getting what you want out of life depends on helping others get what they want first – even if it means sacrificing a bit in the short term.
How To Refuse To Engage In Power Plays And Assert Your Power At The Office
It’s no secret that the workplace can be a tense environment, and this often leads to power plays – which can create hostile situations.
It’s important to be aware of the power dynamics in your office and the strategies you can employ to help you navigate them successfully.
And one of the best ways to do this is by refusing to engage in power plays.
When dealing with power plays at work, it can be tempting to lash out with aggressive language or sarcastic comebacks.
But these responses often only serve to escalate them.
Instead, adopting a tolerant and forgiving attitude is usually the best way forward.
Speak calmly, express empathy and understanding, and try your best not to engage in any sort of mudslinging or accusations.
If the situation calls for it, invite the other person for a private conversation so that you can address their behaviour head-on without witnesses.
Refrain from saying “you” when discussing difficult topics and try not to take things too personally – even if they are personal in nature.
Demonstrate maturity and demonstrate that you are committed to the team collaboration while remaining open-minded towards proposals that differ from yours – this will effectively set boundaries while also displaying a level of self-confidence which will help resolve any conflict peacefully.
By taking all these steps into account, you’ll be able stay true to yourself as well as protect yourself from unnecessary hostility in the workplace caused by power plays – all without having resort putting up walls around yourself or engaging in needless fracas
How To Avoid Triggering The Ego Hook: Give Feedback That Doesn’T Criticize
As you engage in tough conversations with others, it’s important to remember that even when the topic of discussion is being focused on, there will be a second conversation taking place inside you, and a third inside their heads.
This can lead to a phenomenon known as the ego hook, which is triggered the moment someone feels like they are being criticized.
When the ego hook is set off, all your careful words and constructive feedback become irrelevant as your partner’s defenses rise up and emotions flares up.
They have gone from trying to solve the problem at hand to focusing all their energy on protecting themselves from perceived attack.
This means that if you want to have positive outcomes from your conversations and get what you’re asking for without offending somebody else’s delicate ego, then it is essential that learn how to give feedback without triggering this defensive response.
You can do this by avoiding using superlatives such as ‘always’ and ‘never’, phrasing advice constructively rather than criticism, and reframing feedback so that it concentrates on specific situations or actions rather than making personal accusations.
Furthermore, try offering help rather than condemning someone else’s methods – phrases like “Have you ever thought of trying this method?” or “I find this technique very effective” keep the conversation flowing while still offering valuable insight.
The Deflate Technique: A Simple Tool For Diffusing Conflict And Strengthening Connection
The deflate technique is a simple, two-step process that can help to prevent explosive arguments in any relationship.
It is an excellent tool for diffusing tension.
First, you agree with the person’s concern and show that you understand where they are coming from.
Then, you invite them to join with you to work together to solve the problem.
For example, if your partner has just made a comment about how little cleaning around the house you do, instead of responding defensively or pointing out their own bad habits, say something along the lines of “I absolutely want the housework to be more equal – can we work on this issue together?”
This strategy gives your partner an invitation to work with you rather than fighting against each other and helps get rid of potential conflict quickly by redirecting it towards something both parties agree on.
It also creates understanding between the two of you by showing that there’s common ground between your ideas and opinions.
Most people appreciate this and it puts them at ease so they don’t feel like they have to fight or take part in an argument.
However, it is important to note that while arguing doesn’t bring any benefit to a relationship, it’s not necessarily unhealthy when done within reason.
If you find yourself having to avoid petty fights in your relationship all the time, then it might be worth considering why these conflicts keep happening in order for meaningful progress to happen between both parties.
How To Use Requests And Questions To Promote Action After Conversations
When it comes to getting the results you want in a conversation, one of the simplest and most effective strategies is making requests and asking questions.
This is an important way to maintain motivation and get your point across when talking with someone else.
Making requests is the simplest way to ensure that people will act on their words.
You can make a direct request, like asking “Can I count on you to run big expenses by me in the future?” or “Can I trust that you’ll be honest with me from now on?”.
These requests also work both ways—if someone asks you to do something, show respect for them by agreeing.
Asking questions can also be used as a great way to motivate action.
A magical question for this purpose starts with “What happens when…?”, such as “What happens when you don’t study for an exam?” or “What happens when you miss deadlines?”.
These type of questions are brilliant because they draw out how certain behaviors can lead to negative consequences, which encourages them to act more positively.
By making requests and asking powerful questions, you can motivate other people into taking action which benefits both parties involved!
Wrap Up
At the end of Get It, author Richard Brosio has a simple message: your voice is your greatest asset for getting what you want in life.
To make the most out of it, clean up your speech, rein in your emotions, and take others wants and hang-ups into account so that you can have more rewarding conversations.
Of course, to really make an impression you should prepare in advance by planning, practicing and role-playing before a crucial conversation.
By putting in the effort beforehand you’ll sound more confident and authoritative when it matters.
Through these techniques, connecting with people can become second nature and open doors for you.
