Key Messages
Understand How People Play Games In Relationships: Uncover The Psychology Of Human Relationships
Are you curious to learn all about the games people play? Well, if you read Games People Play, by Eric Berne, you can!
This helpful book reveals everything there is to know about how relationships and interpersonal interactions shape our lives.
The author provides invaluable knowledge about the psychology behind these human connections in order to help us spot the games that are taking place around us all the time.
He shines a light on the game dynamics between couples when the honeymoon period ends and teaches us why people play “Now I’ve got you, you son of a bitch.” He even shares his insights on how to live a life free from these manipulative games and what opportunities this can open up for everyone involved.
So don’t miss out – it’s your chance to get schooled on all there is to know about how certain people take advantage of each other through their relationships with one another and Games People Play is here to guide you every step of the way!
Uncovering The Three Ego States: How Unconscious Imitation, Logical Thinking And Spontaneity Shape Our Behavior
It’s widely accepted that every person has three ego states – the Parent, the Adult and the Child.
These three states are reflected in our thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and it is possible to identify which one you’re operating from at any given moment.
The Parent state is developed over time by a child who unconsciously imitates their caretakers.
It may be positive or negative in its expression, but it typically looks like a tendency to act out as your parents did amidst certain emotions or situations.
The Adult state is an evolved way of thinking that relies on rational thought and allows us to make decisions based on what is present in the present moment.
Examples? Making a well-informed request for someone to stop crunching popcorn in theaters or analyzing a broken engine to figure out what needs fixing.
Finally, the Child state is our natural way of being – spontaneous and full of emotion, creativity and intimacy.
Sometimes this state can become inhibited due to influences from either the Parent or Adult states; however, it is possible to free yourself from these barriers by returning back to your authentic self.
A great example? Sex!
The Power Of Understanding Ego States: Uncover The Games People Play
It is well known that when people interact they do so from one of their ego states.
This could include a Parent state, Child state, or an Adult state.
The purpose of the interaction and ego state can be obvious, such as scolding your partner for not doing the dishes (Parent-Child) or planning a trip with a friend (Adult-Adult).
But there are also instances where it seems as if someone is communicating from one ego state, but in reality it’s another.
These interactions form what are known as ‘games’.
In these games, players interact from certain ego states to achieve predetermined objectives – often without knowing what game they are playing or why they’re playing it.
For example, two people may be flirting and it appears on the surface level like two Adults having an innocent conversation.
But in reality both individuals are communicating from their Child states and the goal of perusing records is a veil for the real aim – sexual intercourse.
The predictable aspects of these interactions between different ego states highlight why understanding the games people play is essential for freeing ourselves from negative patterns that hold us back.
Games Of Anger And Self-Pity – How We Use Them To Escape Life’s Troubles
Some games are designed to last a lifetime.
We can see this in the game of Alcoholic and the game Now I’ve Got You, You Son Of A Bitch.
The former game is an insidious one, as an alcoholic will use someone close to them – like a partner or child – in order to gain attention and pity through their own rebellion.
This can lead to a lot of pain and heartache for friends and family, not to mention the alcoholic themselves who continues to fill their self-loathing with more drinking.
The latter game involves a person expressing their anger onto strawman actually existing injustices – like overcharges from plumbers for instance – in order to keep going and satisfy the need to rage hidden inside of them.
Both parties involved may not even be aware of this, as the plumber could be stuck in his/her own version of victimhood as if always being caught for misdoings.
Regardless, it’s clear that these kind of games do not have short lives; they exist with us virtually our entire lives on some level or another if given enough opportunity.
Marital Games: How Couples Use Miscommunication To Reinforce Negative Beliefs
It goes without saying that married couples are no strangers to conflict.
The honeymoon period is over, and each partner has to find a way to fulfill their own needs, while also making compromises with each other.
All too often, this leads to communication breakdowns, misunderstandings and arguments.
As a result, spouses often end up playing games with each other in order to get the upper hand or feel more in control of the situation.
One such game is the so-called “courtroom” game where one partner accuses the other of not meeting his/her needs and then seeks confirmation from the therapist that he/she was right in doing so.
This allows the spouse who initiated the game to feel validated as well as superior over their partner.
Another such game is known as “Frigid Wife.” Here, one partner (typically the woman) will tease her husband by walking around semi-naked but then reject any advances made by him.
By acting out the roles of both parent (“you can kiss me if you want”) and child (feigning shock when he does embrace her), she can continue to reinforce her prejudice against men as being obsessed with sex – all while denying her husband any intimacy whatsoever!
Party Games Can Force Us To Play Fake Parents And Children
At social gatherings, people often find themselves playing games.
While some may be fairly harmless and fun, like charades or catchphrase, other games can be more sneaky and manipulative – such as Schlemiel.
In this game, someone’s invited to a friend’s house for a party and “accidently” breaks something like spilling wine or clogging the toilet.
Although they apologize, they’re actually trying to make the host demonstrate their self-control and forgiving attitude towards them.
Moreover, it allows them to act out their childish impulses without taking any of the consequences.
Another example is Why Don’t You – Yes But – one member of the group shares a problem with everyone else who then offers suggestions to solve it; however these are always dismissed for some reason thus giving off the impression that their problem is unsolvable.
Rather than seeking genuinely helpful advice, those making suggestions assume a parental role while the player stays in their Child persona of not being able to find a solution.
The Psychological Games In Our Bedrooms: How Rapo And Uproar Show Us The Complex Nature Of Guilt And Sex
In many cases, sexual relationships don’t actually involve any physical contact or consensual activity at all—they are instead, psychological games.
This can be seen in the book, Games People Play, where the main characters attempt to diffuse uncomfortable sexual tension by playing a game called Rapo.
In it, one person incites a sexual act and then accuses their sexual partner of assault.
The altercation that ensues is actually happening between Children: the violator secretly rejoices in the experience of being sexually irresistible, while the main character denies any responsibility for the act.
Another such game is Uproar: Here, players attempt to negate awkward feelings by getting into a fight.
By emphasizing their separateness with an argument and leaving each other’s rooms, they make sure that no physical intimacy occurs.
Sexual relationships often provoke these types of psychological games as people try to cope with feeling vulnerable or embarrassed in a situation which could lead to arousal or guilt.
The Secret Motivation Behind Criminal Behaviour: Cops And Robbers And Want Out Games
The book Games Play People delves into a fascinating topic: why do people break rules? It turns out that many people with rule-breaking tendencies often play games.
One particularly common game is called Cops and Robbers, which shows up in many Hollywood movies.
The desire to enact these roles often masks the real reason for playing – most criminals secretly want to get caught as it confirms their inner feeling of worthlessness.
Another such game is termed ‘Want Out’, and involves prisoners who pretend to try and escape but actually just wish to stay in jail longer, as they don’t want to face the unpredictability of the outside world.
As silly as it may sound, these behaviours are motivated from a child-like need security and safety.
The Power Of Breaking The Chain Of Unhelpful Games In Psychotherapy
When it comes to psychotherapy, there is plenty of room for games.
Take the game of Indigence, in which both the therapist and client work together to make sure nothing changes.
They discuss a problem, such as unemployment, but neither of them wants reality to change – they both gain something from keeping it just as it is.
The therapist might be playing the game of “I’m Only Trying To Help You”.
Here, s/he proposes a solution that s/he knows won’t actually work – but when the patient comes back with no progress made, this reinforces the therapist’s self-image: that she/he plays the role of competent Parent in a world full of incompetent Children.
These games often dictate our behavior more than we realize.
It’s important to recognize when we are playing these games in order to break out of them and move forward without any further hindrance or psychological blocks!
Giving Up The Games: How We Can Achieve Genuine Human Connection
In Games People Play, it’s clear that the games we play in our relationships can make life miserable in the long run, leading to isolation and mistrust.
However, what can be done about it?
Rather than carry on playing these games and pretending instead of being vulnerable, there is an alternative: giving up our games and allowing ourselves to build genuine human connection.
We must first become aware of our ego states and pay attention to how we interact with people.
We also need to make a conscious effort to be more open and honest with others; by trying to understand their motives behind their behavior, instead of jumping straight into judging them.
By doing this, we can create a life without games – one where we get closer to people in a more meaningful way.
And rather than hiding behind roles or masks that prevent us from really getting close to someone else, it offers an opportunity for closer relationships by partaking in real interactions rather than false ones based on game-playing.
Wrap Up
The Games People Play by Eric Berne summarizes the idea that, in our daily lives, we are often playing games with one another.
This may be out of fear of intimacy, confusion or just simply habitual.
By understanding these games and the dynamics behind them, we can break free from their bonds and allow for honest and meaningful human connections to emerge.
One important actionable advice to consider is when a friend asks for advice despite sometimes rejecting it – this could be a sign that you are playing a game.
It’s better to probe by asking what they think would be an ideal solution than offering a lengthy list of your own solutions as this will help them take ownership over their own situation.
Ultimately, The Games People Play encourages us to pay closer attention to our interactions and perhaps delve further into why certain relationships drag on or keep acting the same way.
Only then can real relationships blossom without any games getting in the way.
