Key Messages
6 Tips For Effective Conversations With Your Tween
Having healthy conversations with developing adolescents isn’t always easy.
But with “Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen” by Nessim Pimentel, parents can better prepare themselves and their children for the journey into adulthood.
This book offers guidance on how to discuss topics that are essential for developing tweens such as independence, money, technology, criticism, impulsivity, and sex.
It shows parents how improv theatre can help foster conversations between them and their kids.
It also helps them learn how to give feedback that boosts their child’s confidence instead of damaging it.
Additionally, it explains why parents should follow the same rules around technology as their child so they are equipped with all the tools necessary for success in life.
Learning A New Lingo Will Help Parents Communicate Better With Their Tweens
Striking up conversations with tweens can be a challenge for many parents.
At this age, kids are exploring their identity, and pulling away from the family group as part of that process.
Keeping the lines of communication open becomes that bit more difficult.
That’s why it’s important to learn a new form of communication when talking to your tween.
This can mean setting rules while listening thoughtfully, instead of issuing commands or using a ‘shut it down’ approach – which only serves to deny them experiences they need in order to grow and make decisions appropriate for their age.
A key tool when talking to young people is empathy – showing understanding of their moods and feelings, even if you don’t agree with them!
And by creating spaces in which your tween feels safe enough to talk openly about whatever’s on their mind, you’ll be helping them build trust and open up about subjects involving risk-taking behaviour (such as alcohol and drug use).
Parents are often allotted the tough job of keeping their kids safe, but having the right conversation at the right time is so important – especially in today’s rapidly changing world.
Learning how to adjust your language during these teenage years must become second nature if you want maintain positive parent-child relationships while also keeping them safer overall.
Creating A Roadmap To Independence As A Way To Empower Your Tween’S Autonomy
When raising tweens, it’s important to create a roadmap to independence.
Doing so helps to build trust in your tween’s autonomy and encourages them to take on more responsibility as they grow up.
The key is to start by exploring what sort of scenarios you are worried about and what expectations you have for your tween to be able to handle those scenarios.
Some examples of milestones could be memorizing important phone numbers, being able to talk directly with teachers about assignments, or understanding the risks of certain situations.
By taking a “Yes, and” approach rather than just saying “No” all the time, you can show your tween the areas they need to work on in order to reach the degree of independence that they crave.
With your guidance and support they can progress towards increased autonomy while still giving you peace of mind knowing that they are safe and responsible.
Teaching Kids Financial Context: How To Talk About Money With Your Children
When it comes to talking about money with your children, context is essential.
This means understanding the bigger picture and not just focusing on an individual purchase or expense.
For example, when your child notices their friends going on extravagant vacations and having luxury items, he or she may want to know why your family isn’t doing the same.
Instead of getting defensive or hiding information from them, a better approach is to have open and honest dialogue about why certain financial decisions are being made.
Showing that you respect their questions will help foster trust and mutual understanding.
An effective way to explain this concept is by weighing out different costs against one another – if they ask for a new video game while knowing you have the money, you can explain that while it’s a good sale, that doesn’t mean you should buy it as it could take away money needed for other important expenses like school trips.
This provides context to spending decisions and helps establish lasting lessons of financial responsibility.
Teaching Your Kids How To Use Tech Responsibly Through Conversations And Ground Rules
It’s no secret that technology is becoming increasingly intertwined with our daily lives.
And while this can be a good thing, it’s important to make sure that your kids are interacting with tech in a healthy way.
That’s why it’s vital to encourage your kids to develop a healthier relationship with tech by setting ground rules.
One of the best ways to do this is to have a family meeting and come up with some ground rules together – not just for your kids but for all members of the household.
Make sure that the discussion is open and honest, and don’t forget to include things like which apps they’re allowed to download or when they should put away their phones.
It’s also important to remember that technology doesn’t exist in a vacuum and the same rules apply online as offline.
Talk about how you expect them and others in your home to interact with technology, so they can start forming healthier habits around its use.
Finally, why not encourage everyone in the family write down five or ten things they want people to believe about them? This statement can serve as a useful guide for their online behavior, helping them ask themselves whether their posts fit in with the kind of person they want people to believe that they are – an incredibly valuable skill for them going forward!
How To Give Criticism That Boosts Your Child’S Growth
As a parent, helping your child to mature is an important part of your job.
One way you can make sure this process happens effectively is by paying careful attention to how you phrase your criticism.
Traditional feedback is not as beneficial as you might think.
Research from Harvard Business School shows that when someone feels confident and competent, more neuron and synapses are created which aids in their cognitive growth.
When we introduce pointed criticism, the brain perceives this as a threat and shuts down the learning process – reducing any opportunities for growth.
This does not mean that children should be sheltered from criticism all together – but it does mean that when giving feedback, parents should phrase it in such a way so as to carefully emphasize their child’s strengths alongside any weakness.
For example: “You have lots of good ideas, but I’d like you to remember not interrupt me when I’m talking with friends.
You could even encourage your child to jot down his ideas in a notebook, and tell them to you when they’re ready.”
Impulsive Behavior Is Often Misunderstood: How To Help Tweens Learn From Mistakes While Encouraging Positive Risk-Taking And Cognitive Growth
More and more research shows that impulsivity isn’t inherently bad or wrong.
In fact, it can lead to cognitive growth in tweens!
Impulsivity, in this case, is a type of decision-making that is focused on the present rather than the future.
In other words, it involves taking risks.
The more new experiences your tween has, the more data their brain is processing and the faster connections will be built in the prefrontal cortex – an area responsible for problem solving, risk analysis, and critical thinking.
What’s unique about impulsive behavior is that it encourages dopamine release, which acts as a reward system that actively encourages action repetition.
However, not all impulsive decisions are equal.
Some can be dangerous and should be addressed with strict parental authority while others may have less impactful consequences.
Ultimately, allowing your tween to experience sensation seeking behaviors in a healthy and monitored way can help foster cognitive growth so long as limits and boundaries are properly set and discussed!
Teach Consent Early On To Set Kids Up For Safer Future Sexual Encounters
Consent isn’t just something to be discussed when it comes to sex; it’s an important concept to introduce early.
By having conversations about boundaries and consent during their tween years, parents can provide a valuable foundation for safer sexual encounters later in life.
For example, by encouraging tweens not to lie or avoid situations that make them uncomfortable but instead learn how to confidently say no when they don’t want to do something or accept physical contact.
Equally, teaching tweens about respecting other people’s belongings and asking permission before using someone else’s things can also help establish good communication and respect from an early age.
By taking the time to talk about and encourage respect for personal boundaries from a young age, we give our children the tools they need for future safe interactions – without any pressure of sexual topics or scenarios – allowing us to have those conversations further down the line when our children are ready for them.
Wrap Up
The Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen is an informative guide for parents who want to prepare themselves and their tween for becoming an independent adult.
The book provides actionable advice that includes learning a new language in order to communicate with your tweens, establishing ground rules for technology in the house, keeping criticism positive with explanations on why, introducing consent to non-sexual contexts, and finally having an ear towards your own needs and listening to them.
By taking time to listen and understand your children while also attending to your own needs, you can be a great parent who is both approachable and supportive of the growth of their child into adulthood.
