Key Messages
How To Find Real Love: Identifying Core Gifts And Growing Relationships
The Deeper Dating book can serve as your compass for finding meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
It’s easy to get caught up in superficial dating advice, like changing what you look like or juggling multiple partners.
But that won’t help you build relationships that really satisfy you.
This book helps you discover your “Core Gifts” and use them to approach the dating scene from a new perspective.
You’ll learn why it’s better to grow love instead of falling into it, and how to identify which attractions lead to deeper relationships versus those that are more superficial.
In the end, Deeper Dating will give you the skills and knowledge needed for a customized approach to finding meaningful relationships.
It shows you how cultivating a healthy self-understanding is so valuable, allowing for true connection with others through an honest sense of self-discovery.
Discover Your Core Gifts To Find True Love
When looking for true love, the key is to start by discovering your Core Gifts.
Your Core Gifts are sensitive parts of you that can be either incredibly inspired or terribly hurt depending on how they are stimulated.
They make up who you are and differentiate your needs from someone else’s.
The way to identify your Core Gifts is to reflect on what brings you joy as well as pain in relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
Taking a look at times when you’ve felt joy and fulfillment in any kind of relationship can help you determine which gifts you bring to it.
And if something causes a sense of pain or shame, take the time to explore it further and try to understand where that feeling arises from.
If done properly, having an understanding of your Core Gifts will help pave the road towards finding love.
You’ll naturally be drawn towards people who appreciate those qualities in you because their recognition will fulfill something within yourself – creating strong bonds between both of you!
We Need To Distinguish Between Attractions Of Deprivation And Attractions Of Inspiration For Lasting Love And Fulfilling Relationships
The secret to finding lasting love and joy in relationships lies in understanding the two kinds of attraction we experience – those of deprivation and those of inspiration.
Following and nurturing attractions that stem from inspiration, rather than those of deprivation, are essential if we want to have meaningful and fulfilling connections with others.
As Deeper Dating author Ken Page explains, attracting someone who fosters our best qualities relies on us recognising and valuing our Core Gifts first.
When our Core Gifts are undermined or taken advantage of we can become fixated with people who bring out the worst in us – these are attractions of deprivation.
Attractions based on inspiration, however, arise when we nurture these Core Gifts and surround ourselves with people who show their appreciation for them.
In strong loving relationships formed through attractions of inspiration there is a feeling of being loved unconditionally where both parties genuinely care for one another.
However, when meeting someone new it’s not always easy to spot whether an attraction is likely to lead to something positive or be harmful down the line.
Signs that can indicate attractions inspired by admiration are things like having a natural connection with someone you feel engaged with and interested in as well as someone with integrity.
Ditch Popular Dating Tactics And Practice Deeper Dating Skills To Find Real Love
If you’re looking for a lasting relationship, it’s time to ditch the popular dating tactics.
These “rules of thumb” and tips often leave people pretending to be someone they’re not and following strategies made for short-term gain, usually at the expense of long-term connection.
Instead, you should focus on deepening your connection with potential partners.
The best way to do that is by practicing the skills of deeper dating.
First and foremost, expressing your interest and desire in someone is the key to building a strong connection according to a 2007 study.
This may seem daunting and counterintuitive if you’ve been taught to play it cool, but trust in yourself that your authentic self will attract the right partner.
Additionally, no one wants to feel like their date is only interested in their looks or suits – so don’t make it about that either!
Pay more attention to what kind of connection you have with someone – does your conversation flow organically? Do spend time with them make you feel happy? Don’t get distracted by any superficialities on first glance; those don’t guarantee lasting relationships anyways.
Finding Love Through Connected Circles And Shared Interests
When it comes to finding true love and a meaningful relationship, it’s important to look for it not just online or in bars, but right at the people closest to you.
People who are closest to us understand us the best and cherish our authentic selves, which makes them an excellent filter when it comes to choosing potential partners.
Rather than relying solely on dating apps or heading out to bars, tap into your close social circle and ask trusted friends if they can introduce you to someone who’s potentially compatible and could be a good match.
Your friends may also be looking for relationships, so you can help each other out by introducing them to someone you’ve already met that made a great impression on you.
Additionally, look for hobby groups, religious communities or even charitable organizations where your values are celebrated – not only will such activities enrich your life in general, but there’s a greater chance of coming across someone like-minded too.
Overcoming Fear To Build A Healthy Relationship: Recognizing The Wave Of Distancing And Tackling Our Flight Patterns
The Deeper Dating book provides an important reminder: To avoid pushing love away, learn how to handle your fear.
You see, it’s perfectly natural to feel afraid of intimacy and vulnerability when you meet someone kind and emotionally available.
This can manifest itself in something the author calls the Wave of Distancing: excessive flaws picking or boredom, followed by a temptation to run away even when we want the relationship to work.
But rather than running, one way to manage our fear is recognise that often this loss of affection is just buried by it.
We can try reconnecting with ourselves and our partner through activities we enjoy together, as well as resolving any conflict if there’s any in the relationship.
Taking time and space alone or sharing our feelings with a therapist or friend can help us let go of the fear too.
Everyone has their own individual ways of pushing love away – such as refusing to drop their guard or dating people who aren’t right for them – these are called ‘flight patterns’ and we should acknowledge them in order to break them.
One key step towards doing this is asking loved ones for feedback on what changes we need make.
If we do this, our romantic lives will significantly improve!
How To Turn Mild Attractions Into Lasting Love And Passion
It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that passionate and lasting love only comes from intense attractions.
However, this is simply not true!
With Deeper Dating you can learn how to turn mild but healthy attractions into a passionate and lasting love.
Rather than focus solely on those intense attractions at the high end of the scale, Deeper Dating suggests looking at the middle of the attraction scale instead.
Of course, these people may not make your heart race like someone very attractive might, but it does mean that you can look for deeper qualities in potential partners and spend some time getting to know each other.
To make sure your relationship is built on something more solid than just an intense attraction, Deeper Dating recommends focusing on open giving and receiving with your partner, cultivating intimacy and vulnerability in the relationship, and appreciating what each person brings to the table.
Additionally, paying attention to even those small details that do attract you- such as a personality trait or body part -can also go a long way in creating passion between two people.
You don’t have to settle for shallow relationships based purely on looks; Deeper Dating will show you how to turn mild but healthy attractions into passionate and lasting love!
Wrap Up
In summary, looking for love doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it.
It’s important to recognize what we’re sensitive to and look for partners who appreciate that sensitivity instead of diminishing it.
Applying this mindset helps us move past physical or superficial attractions and focus on finding meaningful relationships that could potentially grow into love.
One way to do this is to start dating through apps, but you need to do it properly.
Create an authentic profile which displays your interests and makes them clear before browsing through other profiles, looking for people with whom you share common interests rather than those based solely upon physical attraction.
Finally, once you meet someone worthwhile, slow down the process and take the time to truly get to know them.
